I sleep in today for the first time in a really long time. I’m a morning person and am usually up by 5, conquering the world with my writing, running, and animal feeding chores. The alarm door chime wakes me. Apparently my son has walked out the back door (which is perfectly fine to do as we live on a bit of land). I don’t realize what time it is and go rushing out of my bedroom to ensure that some thief hasn’t gotten on to the property, breached our gates, and is ready to rob me.

 

My son is standing outside of my door, looking at me apologetically, saying he is sorry that he has woken me.

 

No house robbery.

 

I look at the clock.

8 a.m.

Mercy, it’s late.

I immediately start folding laundry (habit, I guess?) and my son crawls into my bed for our morning read-aloud. We‘re in the middle of two big chapter books at the moment and he is talking about which of the two he wants read.

 

I feel behind already. I’m usually done with an entire list of chores before 8 a.m. and my son is usually just waking about that time.

The stress starts to set in.

I have a workshop to present in two days at a homeschool conference. I haven’t finished the PowerPoint.

I need to have the RV washed and drain the tanks today to prep. I have to leave this morning to drive out to the conference.

Did I finish packing?

I didn’t cook last night. What’s for breakfast?

Did I order groceries? I forget.

I have to hook up my tow vehicle to the RV. Ugh. I always struggle with that.

Why is my husband not here to help me?

Being widowed is not fair. Why Lord?? Do you not see me?

All the things I have to do because there is no one else to do them??

 

It’s 8:07 a.m.

Well, this is going well. I went from folding laundry to stomping my foot before the Lord saying, ‘This is not fair.’

 

Psalm 34:8 ESV

 

I see the sunlight coming in through the windows of our breakfast room. It’s beautiful.

I love sunshine.

How He knows me.

Thank you, Lord that you do see me.

The Spirit comes and reminds me that I am blessed when I take refuge in You.

 

I take every thought captive in this moment and remind myself that there is no ‘behind.’

Yes, I have things that need to be done today, but He will make time for the things that are necessary.

He will order my steps today.

My son puts both books straight into my face and says, “I can’t decide.”

I laugh at myself. I’m probably the last person that needs to be making decisions right now.

I should just rest and slow down.

 

 

“How about we read one chapter of each?” I say.

He looks at me wide-eyed. “Do you have time for that?”

My heart is pierced a bit. He knows me too. How I have spent my days rushing.

How I have often said, “I don’t have time for that,” or “there’s no time.”

I close my eyes and ask the Lord to forgive me.

 

 

“Yes,” I say, “of course, we have time to read. One chapter out of each book, then?”

 

“Aw, yeah! Can we do two chapters out of this book and then one chapter out of the other? ‘Cause I really want to know what happens to Janner and he’s always left in some calamity at the end of the chapter. I just can’t take it. I have to know.”

 

 

I have to know too. But again, maybe I don’t.

Maybe that’s the whole point.

That I don’t have to know anything, really.

Because He does.

 

I settle in for 2 (maybe 3?) chapters without looking at the clock.

8:14 a.m.

Small victory?

I say, yes.

It is.

Two chapters turn to three…